When you’re living the same day over and over again, you start to notice the little things and how they get to you. Sometimes, it’s how messy your room is and how you’ve been too busy to notice. Sometimes, it’s how you eat the same food again and again when you’re at home. Sometimes, it’s what the people around you do and how they go about their days. For many, myself included, those people are family.
When I was younger, I wasn’t that close to my family. I, like many people my age, confided in my friends more than I did in my family. I didn’t feel at home in my own home—I had wildly different interests and hobbies from my parents and siblings. I always wanted to do things on my own or with my friends, and I was a middle child with a small age gap between me and my siblings. Being a little edgy didn’t help much either. “They just don’t get me,” I often thought to myself.
A few years passed and I became a whole new person. I became more outgoing, open-minded, and generally more comfortable with being around people. I fostered slightly better relationships with my siblings and eventually was able to call them and my parents my “friends.” Then, the pandemic came. Cities were put on lockdown and everyone was forced to stay at home. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I’ve endured eighteen years of living with these people, so what’s another few weeks? Of course, it was a little different having everyone at home for once, but things were okay.
Aside from having meals together and playing mahjong after meals, I didn’t spend much time with my family. It would be during those meals and games that I would learn more about them, and consequently sense things changing among us. We spent more and more hours inside each of our rooms and meals grew quiet.
Although I was living the same day over and over again, things started to feel different. I was seeing my family less as “friends” and more as just people I lived with. The deeper we got into quarantine, the more we became like our true selves. With every political conversation that came, I realized how much my beliefs differed from those in my household. Every meme, trend, or game that surfaced just further emphasized our differences. Everyone had their own thing. I felt myself crawling back into the shell I spent years trying to get out of because of all the time I was spending with my family. One conflict to another, everyone was changing—some for the worse, but every story has a silver lining.
When I look at the people around me, I think of how they were before the pandemic and how the lockdown has changed them. My parents, who used to be quite strict with me and my siblings, have now learned to trust us more. My siblings and I have taken bigger responsibilities around the house and have formed bonds of trust and friendship despite our rocky past.
Every single one of us, after spending days, weeks, and months with each other has changed drastically. We didn’t become people we weren’t because of the time we have spent together—we were just able to show a part of our true selves with one another without being afraid. It was through these revelations that I was able to finally understand my family and our dynamic.
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